Apologies to My Future Husband

 

One day, my bite-sized bff (she’s so short and cute) and I were talking about our dating woes and she said very matter of factly, “I’m kiiiiiind of a fish you don’t want to throw back in the pond!” I think we laughed for 5 minutes straight. It was pretty hilarious but I was in full agreement. She’s one heck-of-a-woman!  

Here’s the thing, I may or may not be half the woman she is, but I think I’m AIGHT! No matter how thorough I may feel I am though, there are so many things I know will warrant a side eye in marriage (lol).

Future Hubby/Bae/Love Bug/Stink Stink/Sugar Toes, I want to apologize ahead of time because…

1. My nighttime routine is RIDICULOUS! I get on my own nerves so, I can only imagine how another person will feel.
2. I can only express things verbally once I’ve processed them internally.
3. I have a really strong personality (I actually just came to grips with this after my last few posts lol)
4. My humor is inappropriate at times (ok—most times)
5. When I love and believe in you, at times the way I show my support can seem too pushy or critical. I’m working on it though.
6. I don’t like talking when I first wake up. I know it won’t be realistic to do this in marriage but maybe we can come to some sort of agreement.
7. I touch when I talk.
8. I poot in my sleep. I only know because I’ve startled myself before. Not sure there’s anything I can do about this. Well maybe there is. Which brings me to the next thing…
9. I’m lactose intolerant but still indulge in diary.
10. I only back into parking spaces
11. I’m extroverted in front of people but will likely seem more introverted around you
12. I have a closet full of clothes but wear the same thing almost every day. And yes, I still want to shop. How else will I get new uniforms?
13. I’m lazy but I get stuff done (lol). Let’s call it, strategic laziness.
14. I watch Frasier every night to fall asleep
15. I quote rap lyrics the way some people quote Aristotle
16. I’m a sexual trauma survivor so I have triggers that surface when I’m in an intimate relationship. Since I know I will feel safe with you, this shouldn’t be a problem because we can talk about it.
17. I’m not attached to my hair so it will be short one day and long the next (like it or not, weave will be a part of our lives lol)
18. I have two cats. The only way I’m getting rid of them is if you are deathly afraid or have an allergy. They are cute and YOU WILL LOVE THEM (lol)!  
19. I’m a smidge hood.
20. I can be pretty tightly wound and rigid at times.