DATING

Here’s Why Your Dating Life Sucks

November 10, 2017

Dating Life Sucks

First of all…how do you know my dating life sucks, Veronica?

You guys may not be ready for the answer, but thankfully you know me by now so I trust you’ll bear with me. If you’re single (especially a single black woman), chances are your dating life is either nonexistent or inconsistent and not fulfilling.

Please know, I’m not speaking for all. I am, however, referencing the experiences of most. You know how I know? I speak to single women for a living. 🙂  

Ok so…hopefully at this point, your chest is a little less puffed up, and we can move on to transforming your dating life.

But first, a quick note on why it sucks.

You should find some relief in the fact that it’s not all your fault. Men and women approach dating completely differently. We (women) are naturally hopeless romantics. Which means while guarded a lot of times, we still enter into dating situations hopeful. This hope is in true LOVE—our happily ever after. There’s nothing at all wrong with this. We must, however, understand that our counterparts are approaching the same situation with a slightly different posture. Typically, men are purely exploring the lay of the land. They just want to “see” what we’re about and if they like us. The result in these differences is, we as women commit our hearts while men are much slower to commit at that heart level.

Ladies, instead of taking things that men say and do at face value, we assume implicit meaning based on our own desires. This sets us up for failure. Because instead of us just being able to go with the flow, we’re in our heads and acting based on what we hope is happening as opposed to what is actually happening. This adds layers of pressure and superficiality which ultimately ruins the possibility of just having a great time.

So, what do we need to do about this?

  1. Bury Your Expectations – The quickest way to become disappointed and jaded is by having expectations. Shifting to more of an open-palm approach creates an environment of gratitude and grace. What do these have to do with dating, you ask? EVERYTHING. When you accept a situation for exactly what it is and deny your internal desire to try to make it what you want it to be, you are free to simply admire and enjoy the beauty of the experience—even those components that don’t go the way you would have wanted them to. Hey listen, I’m still a chick so even though I am super aware and know a lot in this area, I still have to stop myself from envisioning this guy who I just met at the alter tearing up as I walk down the aisle. So, you will have to actively pull yourself back from said daydreams, but remember the goal is to do everything you can not to view things any deeper than what is being presented.
  2. Be True to Yourself – My brother told me, “All men are selfish. Your best bet is to find a man whose self-interest is genuinely a concern for your best interest.” Deep, right? I have since had several men confirm this. The reason this is important for us as women to know is, men will (generally) always do what is in their best interest, and this is totally not a diss. Men were created to be the “hunter-gatherers.” Survival and self-preservation are characteristics that are innate to them. It is thus, imperative that we keep this mind as we are meeting guys. Know that the things that are said and done are with their best interest or end in mind—even if it means bending the truth a little. Likewise, we must then be constant and unwavering in doing what is best for us, which means being nothing other than our authentic selves and aligning with our core values. We will often times cave and compromise because of our hope, but then we become resentful when we get the shorter end of the stick.
  3. Enjoy The Guy – Men are truly incredible to me. I adore the heck out of them which is why I also don’t take crap from them. In dating situations, free yourself to adore the heck out of the guy you’re dating. Observe them and appreciate the small things about them that make them amazing. Compliment and love on him (I didn’t say make love to him. Don’t y’all go being fresh!). Worst case scenario, you guys don’t end up working out but there’s no rule stating you can’t have an absolute blast in the meantime.

I promise you, your dating life will never be the same if you apply these three things.


How To Play The Dating Game - Without Playing Games!

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