I remember the first time I heard “I Don’t F%&@ With You” by Big Sean. I was so confused and offended. Yet everyone around me was beside themselves as they rapped along, danced, and pointed at one another. Surely I was missing something!
Even more disturbing was the fact that I was attending a “young professionals” ball. These were educated and successful young professionals who were thrilled to be chanting “I Don’t F%&@ With You.” All I could think was, WHY?
Why does a song that degrades the crap out of a particular woman, and dismisses her existence, generate such excitement? Furthermore, why was everyone in that room so eager and content with telling others they don’t give a f%&@ about them? I think that’s the part that hurt me the most.
There is nothing that I loathe more about our culture than this desire to be disconnected, detached, and emotionless. I get that we didn’t just arrive here overnight. There are people dealing with things that completely astound me. Last year, I got a raw dose of this. I am forever changed by my exposure to the complexities of people’s life stories as a result of the year I spent counseling women at an Atlanta homeless shelter. So when I say, I know people are hurting, I mean it. With that, I understand the allure of disconnecting, detaching, and becoming emotionless. It feels safer. And yet, it only makes things worse. For ourselves and others.
As I continued to take in what was occurring around me, my heart broke more and more. They were screaming “I Don’t F%&@ With You” and appeared so liberated by doing so, and yet that was a LIE. The fact of the matter is, they do give a f%&@. You know how I know? Because they wouldn’t have been so emotionally charged otherwise.
“This chant was more aspirational than it was factual”
A person that has truly moved on or grown from a situation, will not be emotionally charged toward it. Rather, they would be more reflective and resolved.
So then the problem becomes our aspiration to not give a f%&@. Is this a cure or a bandaid?
Well, it’s certainly not a cure because this stance is unproductive and doesn’t yield to growth or healing. Instead, it’s a suppression of our desires and our feelings. Desire being an inner void that’s wanting to be filled with love, and our feelings being hurt and rejection when that doesn’t happen. So, we suppress both in order to feel safe and in control. But then, these are the people we see posting emotional rants and subliminal disses on social media.
And it’s because this defense mechanism is inherently flawed and faulty. Like the bandaid, it only serves us for a short while. Then it’s time to remove it and allow the air to get to our wounds so that we can truly heal.
My heart’s cry is that we will allow ourselves to become freed from our emotional prisons. That we will be able to acknowledge the fact that we do care or give a f%&@, and that’s why we’re hurting and suffering. Which is really just proof that we’re human beings. In this acknowledgement, let us make decisions that are honoring to the whole of our personhood. This means being mindful of who and what we attach ourselves to. I guarantee you if you approach things this way, you will never again have to convince yourself, you don’t give a f%&@.