DATING

Ohhhh The Pelvic Thrust Hug! {5 Strategies for Setting Boundaries in Dating}

December 2, 2016

 

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I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not always the brightest so at times it takes me a little longer to catch onto things.

Years ago, I was on an overnight Network Migration call for a project, and in between what I needed to offer on the call, I was texting a guy I was getting to know. In what seemed like his desire to rise up as my knight in shining armour, he offered to bring me a cup of coffee from Starbucks. I was so friggin smitten that I totally missed the fact that my acceptance gave him the false hope of scoring a little more than just brownie points.

I entertained him for a short time after he arrived but noticed he was starting to get comfortable. Finally…I started reading the signals loud and clear. I needed to get this horny toad out of my house.

We wrapped up our conversation, I thanked him for bringing me coffee and let him know I needed to get back to my call. He positioned himself for a hug so I obliged, but what I wasn’t expecting was the slight forward shift of his hips (aka the pelvic thrust) as he hugged me.

Ummmm…

Because I have absolutely no sense, I pulled away from him and said, “Did you just give me a pelvic thrust hug?” He froze and then tried to laugh it off.

Perhaps I’ve been pelvic thrusted before but just never noticed it (lol). However, that evening, it felt blatant, disrespectful and desperate. It was as if that was his last ditch effort to try to entice me.

Once I thought about it, I realized I couldn’t really be mad at him though because I was the one who sent the mixed signal. It was late, and I invited him over. Typically that is an indication that all signals are “a go.” And given that we hadn’t yet established a firm foundation, my openness was misinterpreted.

This incident helped me to realize the necessity of establishing appropriate boundaries, not only to honor myself and my values, but also to honor the man I am getting to know. So, it may not be the case that house calls are completely out. It just makes more sense to be strategic in how this is done.

5 Strategies for Establishing and Maintaining Boundaries:

  1. Pray– Acknowledge desire for God to be central to all interactions. Confess motives and surrender those that are self-seeking or rooted in fear. Ask God to guard both of your hearts.
  2. Value Alignment– Ensure values and goals are aligned. Talk through ways to guard and protect one another’s purity
  3. Love as Brother and Sister– View the other person as your brother or sister in Christ. Choose to engage in a manner that is honoring to both them and God.
  4. Accountability– Let someone know you are having company and have them call at a certain time to ensure your company gone.
  5. Mind Physical Boundaries– Refrain from spending extended periods of time at one another’s homes. Steer clear of bedrooms (or any comfortable horizontal surfaces for that matter).

These strategies work if you are intentional and employ them. I have discovered though, some very real challenges arise when I’ve tried to get creative or find loopholes. I’ve found myself daring to see how close I can get to the edge of the cliff without actually falling off. This is never a wise approach to take. If you’re hard-headed like I am, you may have ventured too far once or a few dozen times. Fret not! Confess it, learn from it, and move on.

Oh, and as for avoiding the pelvic thrust hug…I am getting more in the habit of giving men side hugs. This keeps things safe for both parties involved.

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8 Comments

  • Reply Winter Mistique Janello December 4, 2016 at 7:26 am

    This had me cracking up! Side hugs are best for sure!

  • Reply Muiodia December 4, 2016 at 10:30 pm

    LOL…those pelvic thrust hugs ( talk about it) tend to be substitutes for some of us practicing celibacy (of course with the exception of mutual attraction)!

    So true we tend to flirt with fire. Great advise! Will keep these points in mind but first by prayer, thats the only way for the rest to follow. 🙂

    • Reply Veronica December 5, 2016 at 5:26 am

      Absolutely! No boundary or plan will work if not first surrendered to the Lord in prayer.

  • Reply turnip December 7, 2016 at 11:32 am

    As a male, it’s refreshing to see a partner inclusive perspective, when it comes to approaches towards physical intimacy. However, when I read the steps, and all the Lord praising… I had to click away. Time for humans to stand on their own, if we ever want to evolve past worshiping the sun-god in all it’s iterations.

    • Reply Veronica December 7, 2016 at 12:45 pm

      It’s also refreshing for me to read content that takes both sides into consideration. I desire for much of my content to be applicable to male and female even though I’m writing from the perspective of a woman. I’m thankful for your comment especially given the fact “the Lord praising” didn’t resonate with you :).

  • Reply CM January 2, 2017 at 8:35 am

    Great reflection, transparency, and ownership! This Occupied with prayer and the Word is the key to growth and maturity for anyone! To God we praise

    • Reply Veronica January 2, 2017 at 1:12 pm

      Thanks CM for your comment! Yes, even if it’s my own foolishness, I must own it lol.

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