SELF-CARE

THE HAUNT OF HORNY!

December 13, 2016

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One of my professors posed a question to the class–specifically to those who were single, “What do you do with horny?”

My response–I take a Benadryl and go to sleep.

Ok, so I should probably take a step back to share why this was even an appropriate question to ask. As I mentioned in My Story, I have a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy. What I didn’t mention was that I was also trained in Christian Sex Therapy. If you’ve read My Story and some of my other posts, it will probably make sense to you why this was an area I pursued. Anyway, my professor Dr. Doug Rosenau–who just happens to be one of the most sought after Christian Sex Therapists–posed this question, not just to see what answers he would get, but also to affirm that sexual arousal is natural for us to experience. In essence, there’s nothing wrong with being horny! Even though I am abstaining from sex until marriage, I have learned to not feel like my body is betraying me just because I get horny.

Given my past, every now and then there are visuals that flood my mind which spark a physiological sensation. My response in those times varies. Some of the strategies I use are:

  • Prayer
  • Scripture reading
  • Journal about what I’m experiencing
  • Talk with an accountability partner
  • And when all else fails, take a benadryl and go to sleep! (I got this tip from my mentor 🙂 )

When I first began my journey of abstaining from sex, I thought I was no longer supposed to get horny. Or if I did, that meant I wasn’t doing something right. It was so freeing to learn that this was, in fact, natural. And not only that, we were designed to respond physiologically to arousing stimuli.

One of my favorite books in the Bible is The Song of Songs. The entire book is an ode to the difficulty of containing fiery desire. The author writes in Song of Songs 3:1-2, “One night as I lay in bed, I yearned for my lover. I yearned for him, but he did not come. So I said to myself, ‘I will get up and roam the city, searching in all its streets and squares.”

I always giggle when I read this. I am a hot mess sooooo… I’ve definitely experienced a few of these nights (pre and post abstinence to be completely honest). I love the fact that this is a part of the Bible. It reveals our innate yearning for companionship and the urgency this yearning can take on, depending on what our minds are filled with.

This brings me to something else that’s helped me stave off frequent surges of horny. I am extremely mindful of what I allow myself to be exposed to (ex. music, TV shows, movies, certain environments, etc.). For instance, I absolutely love old school R&B, but I cannot listen to it regularly or in excess. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve purged my senses of so many potentially arousing stimulants that my spirit becomes extremely disturbed when I am unintentionally exposed.

If I had a word of advice here I’d say, pay attention to how you’re feeling when watching and listening to certain things. If you feel uncomfortable, squeamish, guilty, shameful, embarrassed or anything else that indicates your spirit (or sensibilities, if you will) are disturbed, you should probably turn the channel and opt to refrain from any such programming in the future.

While there’s no real way to rid yourself of horny (nor should that be the goal), there are ways to liberate it yet contain it all at the same time. Like anything else, it’s a process.

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4 Comments

  • Reply Natasha December 13, 2016 at 7:09 pm

    Right on time…I love the post!

    • Reply Veronica December 13, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      Hey listen, the struggle is real isn’t it lol?

  • Reply biancakesha December 27, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    Loved this and loving your writing. Please keep going do not stop 🙂

    • Reply Veronica December 28, 2016 at 12:49 pm

      ☺️ Thank you Bianca! I needed that. Definitely not going to stop.

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