I used to watch my mother apply all sorts of beauty potions to ward off unwanted signs of aging. I figured I wouldn’t have to worry about that stuff at least for another 100 years. Welp…guess who arrived in my 30’s? Cellulite, varicose veins, and belly fat! All I want for Christmas is my 20’s body back! The body that I wasn’t satisfied with because I was “too skinny.” Gotta love hindsight!
I had a major meltdown as I looked in my “hater mirror” (also known as the mirror that reveals every detail of my imperfections), and saw cellulite in my stomach (sheds a tear), thighs, AND my friggin knees! How does one get cellulite in their knees? Oh and what about this belly fat? SO disrespectful! I knew it was a new day when I stepped off the curb and felt my stomach jiggle. Like, seriously?
I think what’s harder for me to accept is the fact that this has all happened despite me being in the gym 3-4 times a week and eating clean (well most of the time). My body is morphing before my eyes, and I have many mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I like the fact that I finally possess the frame of a grown woman. But then I also feel cheated because I didn’t get to be involved in the selection of other stuff I have now acquired.
I’m learning (begrudgingly) to accept my body for what it is and make modifications, through exercise and diet, to what is within my power to change. It’s challenging though because I know this makes sense intellectually, yet inside I’m still throwing a bit of a hissy fit :(.
As a recovering control freak, it still takes great intentionality to be comfortable with imperfection. Le sigh! Everything in life is a process though, right? I’m getting there!
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